I get a kick out of those times when I seem to be "out of presence." A ridiculous notion, to be sure, but the mind does seem to get itself in a twist about it, doesn't it? Very recently, in the story I was worrying about life stuff, and it didn't feel good at all. Anxiety about decisions that will have to be made....decisions that "I" feel ill equipped to make, which makes the stress worse, etc. and on the story goes.....
This is what happens. The thing is...... now..... where is all that anxiety? Where's the stress, the decisions that have to be made, the tension, the worry the constricted feeling in the pit of my stomach? Where is all that? (was there really a constriction in the pit of my stomach, or just a general malaise? who can say? how can I know without building another story about "then?")
Seeing is now, and only now. What I've written above are words, thoughts, memories. How could I possibly say that I was "out of presence," taken for a ride in thought, imagination? I can't say it because NOW I am.....here. And all that never happened. Faint memories. No substance, no reality. One might say, some movements of energy, without meaning, just isness.
What is real, is THIS, right here, right now. The rest is a dream. Seems like it happened, but how can I know? Nothing is real except what is here, now. And what is here, now, is this seeing, being, knowing, peace. Where's the anxiety? I can't find it.
There is no anxiety about the future now, because the future does not exist. How can it? It is only ever, forever, now. What a relief! All these "times" when we swear that we were "elsewhere," we "lost it," we "wandered out of presence".....how can it be? What's happening NOW? Are we here?
What was, "then," is a dream...it has no reality. How liberating! It means that THIS can never be other than what is, always.....no matter what stories and dreams are created and seemingly believed. This just makes me smile - there simply is no way that I can verify that "I" was ever "out" of presence-awareness and "into" a story! Because in the now-ness where it is seen, there is no such thing, there is only a memory of a "time" when there were feelings and thoughts present....all gone in the light of what is, a puff of smoke, if you will...... Returning (from where? and who/what returns?) to this moment, this here, this now - what can possibly be said about "then" that has any validity at all?
Welcome to the rock-solid security and the unpredictable free-fall of YOU. ;-))